just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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