Ambien. No doubt about it.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
