we're chasing vodka with high fives
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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