well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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