remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
