That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
