Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
