How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
