If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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