She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
