Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
