I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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