I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
