thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
