Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Someone signed my nipple.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
