3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
