If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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