I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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