So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
