So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think I am morally bankrupt
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
