it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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