she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
