Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
