apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
