Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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