You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
