What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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