when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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