The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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