it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
