I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
