i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What a dumb baby whore.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
