I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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