I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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