I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
