I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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