how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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