I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
