Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
