I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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