we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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