you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
