I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
my liver is dry heaving
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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