I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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