I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
