i would punch a child for taco bell
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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