I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
