I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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