Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
