Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
