he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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